When My Subconscious Hates Me, It Throws Me Spiders

cuteTrue story. I woke up from a nap this afternoon stressed and tensed and icky, because although the nap itself had been good and useful, the last however-long-we-dream-for-before-we-wake-up had been plagued by nightmares. Not the sensible kind, but the awful, uneasy, terrifying kind that your subconscious dishes up to you when it’s really freaking out. Oh, there were a few run-of-the-mill nightmares in there too, about realising I was late for work, or that it was a day later than I thought it was and I’d already survived the first day back at work and was stressing for no reason, which made me stress more. But on the whole, subconscious terrors, which in Amy-land means one thing, and one thing only: spiders.

In waking life, I’m not the biggest fangirl of spiders, but I’m also not really afraid of them. Wary, yes. Afraid, no. And if they’re Known Persons — i.e. I can identify the species and know they’re not venomous — then we can happily coexist. Or at least, I’ll make the effort to relocate them to the backyard. Unless they’re on the baby’s play mat. Then, sorry spider, but SQUISH. It’s not you, it’s me.

But when I’m stressed, SPIDERS. Masses and masses of them. The more stressed I am, the more spiders there are. The worst ones (if spiders make you ick, don’t read this next bit) take place in an old abandoned greenhouse or similar, where the walls and roofs are cobwebbed over and you can’t move without some sort of spider getting under foot, on your arms, on your legs, on your shoulders, down your back, in your hair, ON YOUR FACE….. *sobs*

So anyway. Nightmares. I had them. I go back to work tomorrow for the first time since April, and unlike Baby 1 (who is now nearly 4, what the even) where I had postnatal depression, this stint of mat leave has been AMAZING. I don’t want to go back to work. I don’t want the baby to go to daycare. It’s going to be fine, and it’s all entirely necessary, but that’s logic me. Emotive me, on the other hand…. And so my subconscious is handing me spiders.

Someone, please send the Raid. Insomnia is bad enough, without spider nightmare plaguing the sleep I /do/ get. 😛


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