My Gallbladder Tried To Kill Me, OR, What Even Is This Month, Urgh.

For those not playing along on twitter, March has been the month of all illnesses, also known as the month wherein my gallbladder tried to kill me. We bid farewell to February with weekend-long gastro that struck down me and the baby. Husband was out of town (lucky beast), and Mr 4 was shipped off to the grandparentals for the weekend to avoid plague transmission. Baby not allowed back at daycare for 48 hours, so I had to have Monday/Tuesday off. Okay, thought I. This is not the end of the world. Monday I was not so great myself, but Tuesday, Tuesday bore all the makings of a Nice Quiet Rest Day.

AH HA HA HA HA.

Firstly, I was not allowed to drop Young Spawn off at school, because he’d been cranky and overtired the day before and they feared he might be plague ridden and didn’t want plague at school. Fair call for them, devastating for him and me. Literally. He bawled the entire way home, unable to understand what he’d done wrong to get sent home :\

ANYway, we survive the day, husband arrives home in the late afternoon, I head off to my chiropractor appointment… Only when I get home, part of my back is still niggling, like they didn’t quite catch something. And then we do dinner and bath and bed for the kidlets, and now it’s more than niggling, and it’s my stomach too? Or maybe just my back? Or maybe just my stomach? OR MAYBE GOOD HEAVENS IT’S BOTH AND NOW I’M GOING TO DIE.

What started out as mild discomfort quickly escalated to “I’m going to have a baby in the next hour heaven help me give me drugs” (she says of the two drug-free childbirths >.<) and when we realised at midnight that I was actually seriously in too much pain to even feed the baby, we figured it was probably hospital time. Via ambulance, because I’m cool like that.

(actually because hub driving me would have necessitating hauling the kids along and WHAT ELSE IS PRIVATE HEALTH INSURANCE FOR BUT AMBULANCE RIDES WHEEEEE but anyway)

The ambos were totally chill, even though I’m 99% sure at one point I stopped mid-sentence to LITERALLY ROLL ON THE FLOOR OH THE AGONY, but let’s face it: at that point even I thought it was only super-intense indigestion (body: take THAT woman! Teach YOU to eat a full meal at dinner two nights after you had gastro! Ha HA!).

TL;DR: it was not gastro, and my gallbladder was trying to kill me. At first the doctors were all LOL GALLSTONES YOU CAN GO HOME IN THE MORNING, and then they were all like LOL YOU ARE STILL IN MUCH PAIN WE SHALL ADMIT YOU and then several days later were more like o.O YOU ARE STILL IN PAIN WHY SHOULD THIS BE? I was in hospital for a full week, then spent another week at home recuperating while awaiting surgery, then at work for two long and exhausting days, and then, TA DA! Surgery last Thursday. (a week ago, whoa.)

You know that bit about my gallbladder trying to kill me? This is maybe not quite accurate. Maaaaaybe it would be more accurate to say that my body had been trying to kill my gallbladder, and it had NEARLY SUCCEEDED BECAUSE MY GALLBLADDER WAS GANGRENOUS.

*pauses to pass the vomit bag*

Yeah. I know. *urgh-shudder*. Turns out the entire back wall of the gallbladder was cold stone dead (I can attest to its murky grey dead-flesh appearance, THANKS RECOVERY NURSE WHO THOUGHT IT WAS A STONE o.O) and the organ was gangrenous, and if they’d just let me toddle along without worrying too much about surgery (the initial option), the mortality rate would have been 22%. I fully admit: this is one of those numbers I’m really glad I only learned about AFTER the offending (offended?) organ was gone. I spent most of Thursday afternoon/Friday morning feeling extremely happy to be alive.

And now I have been home for nearly a week, and although my insides would still prefer me to go on a hunger strike (FOOD? WHAT IS THIS STUFF?! You expect us to PROCESS this WITHOUT a GALLBLADDER?!?!?! *goes on strike*), I actually slept on my right side last night for the first time all month!!! This, my friends, is cause for celebration.

Ahem. So. All that new-pretty-websiting-let-me-actually-post-blog-updates that I had planned for March? Yeeeeeeeeeah. I’ll just… sweep these broken pieces of website under the rug here and no one will notice, AMIRITE???

But anyway. The website has a menu again at least, and if you click on any of the pretty links advertising FREE STUFF TO READ you’ll see I’m in the process of putting some of the more popular of my Darkness & Good stories over here too. Woo free stories.

Mostly, however, woo not dying. Not dying is fun. I recommend it.

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