This is actually a story I wrote with my Year 12 creative writing class in mind, with the intent of sharing the editing process with them – and I thought you might enjoy seeing it too 🙂
This is the original draft (pdf file).
I sent that to a crit partner and got content and stylistic feedback (which basically equated to: Quit being wordy. Cut much stuff.), and I also discussed it with my creative writing class (the protagonist is too passive; there’s no clear antagonist; what’s the central conflict in each scene?) and ended up with draft two (pdf file).
Then it went to another crit partner to see if it still made sense after I’d chopped swathes of the story out. Feedback? Worldbuilding makes sense, but we need more of an idea of the MC’s motivations and goals. So that led to draft three (pdf file).
Confident that I’d addressed the big issues, I sent it back to Crit Partner 2, and a third crit partner too, for the thumbs up and proofreading. Which, of course, led to the almost final version (pdf here).
My darling Year 12 class caught a few last errors, which I fixed up, and ta da! The final version 🙂